#6: First Words

dispatch from Sep, Jan and Feb

17th Sep 2024

they say you should speak to babies so that they can eventually mimic themselves into speech. but where do i begin in helping you name the world?

what words do i teach you first?

colours?
red
yellow
green
blue

or shapes?
square
circle
triangle

or things?
blocks
ball
spoon
khana

mama
baba

does it count as teaching you new words when i read bizzy bear bizzy bear eggs for you, bizzy bear bizzy bear cock-a-doodle-do over and over again to see you giddy with joy every time the rooster pops up?

does it count when i whisper baby potato in your ear when i pick you up in the middle of the night?

can i teach you the language of love i have grown up with: nono for sleep, nainai for bath and mum for water?

did i manage to teach you language when i held you in front of the mirror, smiled and told you that’s what happy is, when i grunted like you do and said that’s angry, when i pouted to show sad and widened my eyes to help you name fear? to help tell you that when you cry on hearing the nebuliser it’s just fear, that we are here. will it help to have the language to identify what you’re feeling?

oh M—, i can teach you all the words in the world but words will always fall short to explain how much i love you.

31st Jan 2025

you call khana ‘nana’ and yell for it every time you’re hungry.

you look for ‘birsss’ out the window every morning, your ‘ba’ and i peeling our eyes open at 6:30 am.

i didn’t know this then, but it’s you who is teaching us to name everything that matters to you in the words you view them in. so silly now to think that I was worried about deciding whether to teach you the colours first or shapes.

28th Feb 2025

i was worried you wouldn’t pick up on multi-syllable Urdu words, and so i started pointing things out using Urdu. now you call cars ‘gaiyaan’, shoes ‘joovay’ and keep handing my phone to me because you want to speak to maamu, or ‘maaam’ as you say. you also put your head on my lap when you want to sleep, crawl to ‘ba’ as soon as you wake up and rest your head on his chest asking him to wake up, kiss your stuffed giraffe when i hand it to you as i change your clothes, and hug your teddy bear whenever you get a random burst of affection. there’s so much more to language; i had forgotten in my quest to transfer a constellation of words to you.